Musings on love, part 5 (final)
This post should conclude the series of me coming to terms with the breakup, I guess.
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(Originally written on Dec 2nd.
After my ex sent me her reply following me confronting her on MSN, I called and asked (actually twice, since I’m a friggin’ retard) if she would come to Japan for Christmas.
She said no.
I asked her to tell me something. She asked what.
“Tell me you don’t love me anymore.”
“…I don’t love you anymore”. )
“I don’t love you anymore”.
Cold, sharp, cutting to the bone. I didn’t have any doubt that she would say it, not with the way things have turned out between us. But I didn’t expect it to still hurt as much as it did.
“I don’t love you anymore”. No trace of hesitation, said without a hint of stumbling, in a scarily bright, cheerful voice.
Her life is now hers once again. Nothing I say, do or feel will change that, ever again.
“I don’t love you anymore”.
It hurt, but I needed to hear her say it.
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Epilogue (written today, here and now. ^_^):
I’ve over-indulged myself over these past few days, writing for far too long on this topic. While it may indeed take me much longer to fully get over her, I hope that at least whatever’s written here will stop focusing solely on that.
In the end, though she has changed into, what I think, is a pretty horrible person, I find myself unable to truly hate her, as much as I might want to. I am, after all, far too sentimental a person. Some chunk of my heart has her name carved upon it, like an elaborate scar pattern. Some days I can’t help tracing over it, remembering better days.
For now though. I really should get over her.
Only happy songs to be played now, please.
-Stranger